Lose the Battle but win the War

OK, I thought it was a catchy title. I was talking to someone the other day about when I was going thru my first divorce and how I didn't think my Daughter would even stay with me if I fought for custody. She was a teenager during the worst of those times. Being at that age she would have had her choice to stay with whomever she chose. I didn't even try, I thought the cards were stacked against me. Sometimes parents talk about the number of kids they want and in a normal conversation before she was concieved, I did say I didn't want another child. Some time in her formative years, her mother told her that I never wanted her. Another conversation when asked what I wanted, I did say a boy, and to my way of thinking just another adult conversation about choices. It seems that was conveyed to her too, you Daddy wanted a boy. As I think back I should have tried because it would have conveyed a message that I wanted her, she was worth fighting for. I think about it now, even if I'd lost and I am very sure I would have, I would have still won the war. She would have known her father thought she was worth fighting for. I was fighting an uphill battle in that marriage anyway. Momma wanted to be their friend instead of a parent. Most discipline seemed to have to come from me and even then I would have been at odds with the spouse that was a friend instead of a parent.  A teenager does not have the reasoning cababilities of an adult. They only know what they want. Its a parents responsibility to protect them and teach them the best they can. When I left the home for good, my daughter was 17 and a Junior in High School. She was an excellent student. As I recall she had a 3.4 GPA the fall before I separated from her mother. The very next report card, she had 1.17 or something like that. I was out of the home, I had no say. I couldn't make her stay in school. She quit  towards the end of her junior year in High School. I was talking about it one day at work with coworkers. I knew life is hard with just a High School diploma and its even harder without one. I wanted her to stay in school. A white haired coworker said: you know what you have to do, you have to hang a carrot in front of her nose just like you would try to motivate a donkey.  You need to find out something expensive that she really wants, buy it dangle it in front of her nose and say when you show me a High School diploma, this is yours. I did that, she really wanted a VW beatle. I found a 1966 VW beatle that was being restored. When it was finished, I bought it for $6,000 and took her with me when I went to pick it up. This is yours when you show me a High School Diploma. It was White with a Red interior and it did look like a new car.   She didn't go back like I really wanted her to but she did go to an alternative school and did get her High School Diploma. I know she feels it wasn't all about the car, she really did want a High School diploma, but when you are at that age and live with a parent that is not going to make you go school, you really do need some help getting motivated. I believe it did help. When it comes to our kids, I don't think we have to win every battle, but we do want to win the war. Sometimes I wish I could have looked past the current battle and would have seen the overall picture of the war. The most important thing I could have done in life is be the best parent I could possibly be. I did some things right and I am proud of them. There are other areas, I could have done much better. I once prayed about my kids not calling or honoring me on fathers day. It was before fathers day probably in 2000 or 2001. A few days before fathers day another girl (Asia ) that didn't have a father called me and asked if her and her friend could go to church with me on Fathers Day. I felt like God was telling me, I heard your prayer, don't worry about it.  Asia was 12 when I met her. No one made her go to school. She never even knew who her father was. Her mother was in jail most of her childhood. There were different times I bought clothes and shoes for her. When she was 18, I gave her her first car. I may not have been the best Dad in the world but I tried to at least be a good one. I didn't have a good example to follow other than maybe the work ethic I learned. Many things I had to unlearn from my father, especially how to treat a spouse. But the Father we had is the best example we have to work with. The good things we copy, the bad we change and maybe do the opposite. Perhaps we can win the war for our children with God's help. God Bless, LVZ.