In Matthew 19:8 "
He said unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so." The Biblical standard for marriage has been one man and one woman for life. The Bible says the Pharisees were tempting Jesus in this conversation given to us in Matthew. they were asking about divorce. There were several thoughts on that subject even in Jesus day. The thing I want to focus in on in this blog is the hardening of our hearts. I have been married and divorced more times than I want to claim. Many times we do not seek God when we enter into what God's perfect plan represents a lifetime commitment. Divorce is easy today. It is not looked down upon as it once was. I am not sure that that is good or bad. It probably doesn't matter for this blog. I do not know if I can say every time divorce is caused by one or both persons in a marriage hardening their hearts, but what else could it be? I would think it has to be. God joins us together when we take those vows that say until death do us part. It is intended to be a time of a man and a woman becoming one. Their purpose, their goals should be for both. So much of the time it does become an "I" problem. When we want our needs met, and it seems to be more important than the needs of a spouse. I think I am a pretty good guy, but if I am terribly honest and could feel comfortable telling all. I didn't do everything right. I believe as a young man I was very selfish. So there was some hardening of hearts in those relationships. On my part as well as the other half. I think it is still something I need to watch to this day to keep my heart right. Sometimes people would stay together and their marriage would die a slow death. My first marriage was like that, a slow death. Could it have been salvaged? Perhaps, but I know I was done. My heart was no longer in that relationship. I have heard it said when one or the other is done trying it is over. It really takes both partners wanting it to work and trying to make it work in order for a marriage to last. It can last and it can be an ever-improving relationship, vs a slow death. I don't think a relationship sets still. It gets better or it gets worse. We need softening of our hearts, we need a servants heart, one that truly cares about the other persons' needs. I often think of the 5th chapter of Ephesians and how God tells husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the Church and gave himself for her. I believe men are to be leaders in their home, and that would be by leading as an example not pushing or shoving to impose our will. Christ gave his life. That represents sacrifice on Christ's part, doing what is best for us. I remember a time when I think I got it right. My second wife, when we were together, asked me to pray about where we should attend church. I did pray about it and I thought of that scripture in Ephesians 5:25
"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church, and gave himself for it;" That scripture came to mind as I prayed about this and I asked myself, how would I apply this to myself in this situation? I am white and my second wife was black. The black church is different from a white church and I thought this is her culture represented in a black church. She had family in that church. The man that gave her away when we got married was a deacon in that church. I chose Second Baptist Church in Everett, WA. I know to this day that I had found God's will in that situation. That church was a blessing to me. Her words to me when I told her what I had decided, (Not her exact words, but close enough) How in the world could you pick Second Baptist? To this day believe I found God's will in that time of praying and asking and looking at his word to find the answer. I was a white man, how could I make a choice to go to a black church? I had never been to a black church before going to Second Baptist. I was the only white person there. I felt so out of place at the start of attending. They accepted me, and there were times when I forgot they were black and I was white. I was on the trustee board, and I really did feel accepted and a part of that congregation after the initial getting used to it. I believe that is the opposite of hardening a heart, I was looking for and praying for what I thought was best for my wife. Her culture, her race, her family and some dear friends of hers were a part of that church. I heard a good word from the pulpit. I was accepted. That was almost 20 years ago and I feel I made the right choice, The marriage didn't last and even after we were separated, I still felt accepted and kept participating as a member of the trustee board up until the time I moved to Tacoma. I know she didn't want to go there but she did as long as we were together. I think there were other areas in our marriage where I did not do as well, and it died a slow death. I still look back to that time and situation as a way to find God's will. I was blessed for following God's will. I believe God made some changes in my heart at that time. We can make progress by following God as best we can. We can also go downhill, by hardening our hearts. That situation is an example of how we need to seek God and follow his ways. That is not the only time I prayed for direction in finding a church to attend. The results have not always been the same. This last time when I prayed, even though I am married to a black woman, I did not feel lead to a black church. But I still feel I found the will of God, I still feel I had my wife's best at heart when I chose the church I am attending now. I do not always know what God's purpose is, but I do know he has our best interests at heart. I wish I had always sought God's direction in every part of life, I would have made many better decisions. But I am still learning. As a leader in the home, I still attend with my wife when she wants to attend the church she has been a lifetime member of. We go together. That is still being the leader of the home. God wants to soften our hearts towards him. Hardening our hearts is not of God. I think God had a purpose in me being a part of a black church for so long and has done a work in me. I do feel I am where God wants me to be. I miss my family, and my old home, but I truly believe God is still working on me. I want to keep a soft heart and be where God wants me to be. I believe a softened heart requires a forgiving spirit, and I must forgive. Even Ex's must be forgiven and they need to forgive me, to be right with God. I threw that last statement because I do not want it to sound like it was all their fault. I too, need to be forgiven. I hope they make heaven their home just as I am trying to make it mine. I cannot fix them, I can only fix me. Sometimes we try to fix everyone but ourselves. God bless, LVZ.