Older Wiser

I believe I am wiser today than I was at 20.  I believe if I had known at 20 what I know today I would not have married the woman I married when I was twenty. I am thankful because I have a son and a daughter because of that marriage. I am thankful for them. I didn't know growing up how dysfunctional my home was, both my growing up home and the one I raised my children in. But I realize now a dysfunctional home is normal. From the beginning of time, families have been dysfunctional. The first family, Adam and Eve had two sons Cain and Abel, guess what; Cain killed Abel. Now how is that for dysfunction. None of my siblings killed another sibling, but our home was also dysfunctional. There were times when my children were growing up, I was so afraid my son would hurt my daughter who was younger and smaller than he, that I took him out of karate for her safety.  I had a duty to both children and as much I wanted to do for him,  to learn karate for his health and wellbeing, I was concerned for my daughter. I think it would have worked better if she had been born first and was two years older and bigger than he. Perhaps she could have still knocked him down and defended herself adequately as he learned karate, but I was really afraid my son would hurt my daughter, not intentionally but just in showing off his moves he was learning. None of my siblings killed me, though at times they might have wanted to.  Joseph's brothers sold him into slavery and told their father he had been killed by a wild animal and brought his coat of many colors stained with blood from an animal of their herd. None of my siblings sold me into slavery, but I wonder if they were tempted at times. We saw a bad marriage lived before us and it affected us. I failed in four marriages. I am sure I carried baggage from my growing up years into those relationships, but I have learned some good things as a result of those failures. I don't have many readers of my blog as I write today. but if I had started writing when I was twenty, I would have had nothing to write about. I have had a lot of life experiences since then. I pull examples of many things from my experiences. I am familiar with dysfunction. I grew up in it, raised my children in it and in fact we still live in a dysfunctional world. Just last week two people were killed about five miles from here, a man and a woman in a relationship.  I am not sure if they were married because of different last names, but the story seems to be the woman wanted to leave the man and their relationship.  The woman had gone into a store where she went to get breakfast on her way to work. He followed her and when she saw him, she ran back into the store for protection. A police officer was also in the store getting breakfast. The man came into the store reached over the police officer and shot her dead. The officer returned fire and killed the man. I am sure it happened so fast, the officer did not react in time to save her life. But stories like this seem to happen over and over again. I went through some difficult stuff and I wonder, why don't they just walk away and let it be. Of course, I have 4 failed marriages under my belt that I survived. We live in a dysfunctional world and if we live long enough we learn from our dysfunction. I believe if my current marriage failed, I'd just walk away. I'd be hurt for a time but I know with time I would get over it, I have before. I have experience under my belt, perhaps even wisdom from having gone through unfaithful partners in the past. I believe if my wife were unfaithful to me I would know it, I always did in the past. But I believe she is faithful to me even when she has been working until 2 in the morning. I go to sleep with ease because I trust her. I believe I am older and wiser, it is not worth getting killed over or going to prison for the rest of my life. I came close in the past, emotions run high in a breakup. But I worked through it and today am able to have a good relationship because I walked away and did not end up in jail because of killing an unfaithful spouse. Life goes on, and I am thankful for the support I received in my times of trouble to make it through dysfunction without killing someone or going to jail. Believe me, I thought about it once or twice. But here I am living a fairly good life because I learned to just walk away and let it be. This world is full of dysfunction and dysfunctional people, I try not to be one of them and a bad statistic. My relationship with God and friends I have had in the church have been a stabilizing factor in my life. I went through some things that men and women will kill over in this dysfunctional world. I am still here and still free by the grace and mercy of God. God bless, LVZ.