Is Jesus Number 1

I look at my past life over the past 30 plus years. It was in 1984 that I consider my start to walk with Jesus.  I struggled with many things. Adultery was one of those things. When I separated from my wife after twenty years of marriage, I was very lonely. I hated being at home especially on the weekends. I would work any weekend I could just so as to not be alone. I had many adulterous relationships. I really do not like to talk about those days, I was going to church Sunday after Sunday and was sorta open about these relationships. My family knew. Parents of some of these girlfriends knew.  Can a person be a Christian and commit adultery? Not forever. You should at least feel convicted over it. I know I did. I tried to excuse it by looking at King David and the account with Bathsheba. The Bible says David was a man after God own heart, but I knew enough Bible to know he had an adulterous relationship with Bathsheba. I took it to God and married quickly to avoid being an adulterer. Those marriages didn't last. I wanted to be a Christian but I really struggled in this area. What made David a man after God's heart was repentance. He had Bathsheba's husband killed. Then he married her. God was aware and sent the prophet Nathan to speak to David. But King David hid and tried to cover up his sin. He married Bathsheba after having Uriah killed.  Nathan told David a story about a rich man that stole a little lamb from his neighbor. His neighbor was poor and only had that one lamb.  The rich man had many sheep of his own. David was furious that someone in his kingdom would do such a thing. Nathan says; you are that man. David repented and that is the reason he was a man after God's own heart. Some times we think our sins are hidden, but they are not. If Jesus had been number one in my life I feel I could have controlled my sexual desires and not sinned. It is past now, just history. I tell my side of some of these stories of the marriages that failed. I wonder if I am fair. Yes I was going to church Sunday after Sunday, but the life I was living was somewhat hidden or so I thought. God sees everything, and I guess I knew that, but still I tried to justify my actions with David was a man after God's heart and he did the same thing. We can read the scriptures where it says shall we continue in sin? What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it? Romans 6:1-2   In John 8 is the story of the woman brought to Jesus when she was caught in adultery. This next verse is from that story. She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more. John 8:11  Jesus himself did not condemn her but did tell her to go and sin no more. It is the human condition to sin, but we must confess our sins and walk in them no more.  Jesus doesn't want to be second after certain sins. Jesus wants to be first. Thou shall have no other God's before me is the very first commandment. These sins of ours have to be brought to the cross and be repented of. I talk a lot about scripture on these pages, but I had much in my past to get over and get through.  I don't come on these pages as a super Christian. I am not, I struggled with sin. But I want Jesus and I want to make him first in my life. I grew up in a church that taught perfection, but it discouraged me because I saw sin in my life and I knew I wasn't perfect. Sometimes Christians excuse the sin in their life and condemn others because perhaps we feel they have a bigger badder sin. All sin is equal, and needs to be repented of. I try to be open and honest. God knew and convicted me many times. I try for a while and fail, but I would get up and repent again and again and again. As many times as it took. It is not that we fall that defines us but the fact that we get up, repent and keep going.  Please know as I write many things about scripture on this blog, I failed again many times. But I got up, asked God to forgive me and kept trying. I will keep trying till my dying breath.  The Bible says many things, and that is what I want to live by. I don't want to make excuses for my sins and point to others. I was sinful, some may doubt my experience but that is OK, I answer to God and nothing is hidden from him. I wish I'd lived a better life. I wish I had gotten my life straightened out sooner. Some probably grew spiritually quicker than I, I am happy for them.  I believe all sins need to be taken to Jesus and forgiven. Do I remember all my sins, probably not.  If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. 1 John 1:8-10  I believe Jesus is still working on me, Do I think Christians sin, yes I do, from experience.  And the Bible says so. God is in the cleansing business. Don't try and fix yourself. Just come as you are. God already knows. Just the other day I became aware that worry is a sin. We probably don't look at it that way, but that is a blog for another day. Don't look for perfect Christians, there are none.  They are just forgiven. I challenge anyone, if you think you can do better just give it a try, I think you'll find like I did, living a Christian life is not always easy. We get up and keep trying. We ask forgiveness and keep going. God change me is our prayer. In the story of the Pharisee and the Publican, I identify with the Publican. Luke 18:10.  God bless, LVZ.