Gratitude

 I have been listening to Andy Stanley lately and found him to be very interesting. I listened to "parenting in the 21st Century". Then a conversation between Charles and Andy Stanley "life, love and legacy".  Then "Not in it to win it". Somewhere I remember andy talking about Gratitude. He made a statement Children especially should learn to be thankful and grateful, they have a reputation of thinking their parents owe them. Anyway, he has a positive way of saying things. I could learn from that. I went to the DR office to get blood drawn and the nurse drawing blood was very busy. I never noticed before when I went to see the Dr and you're done, you come around the corner to the hallway where they draw your blood. That day I was only there to draw blood and didn't have to see the Doctor so I was sitting in the waiting room where I could look down the hallway. I saw several people come out and then a few more and I could see someone waiting on the other side. At least one person came into the Doctor's office after I went ahead of me. I thought it would be quick. Anyway, that nurse finally called my name. She apologized for taking so long. I told her it was OK and I thanked her for what she does. I said I had never noticed how busy that area was, it was like grand central station.  She said you know I do fifty of these a day. Before I went back there I had thought about a grateful/thankful attitude. The nurse responded to that attitude when she mentioned how many she did a day. I am trying to learn to show a thankful attitude in interactions with others in whatever situation it may be. I feel it helped that nurse who was very busy feel appreciated. I know I have written about a thankful attitude before, but I felt listening to Andy Stanley, he had a much more positive outlook on it and that is what I want to develop. I think in my post sometime back I was more complaining about not receiving a thank you more than saying it in a positive way. I remember my father's attitude changed in the last six months of his life. He used to complain that nobody came to see him and then in the last six months he started saying things like I love all my kids and thanks for what you do for me.  His attitude had changed and he was more pleasant to be around. An attitude of Gratitude is a good thing to develop. God bless, LVZ.

Encouraged

 A few days ago I wrote a post "We Can't Always Win". I wasn't real confident in what I wrote. I was talking about how Christ lost and I don't know that I have ever heard that from anyone before. I am afraid of starting a new theology. We already have so many denominations in our land. So a lot of times I lack confidence in myself. Most of the time I am meditating on something that I heard or read that stood out to me.  But I just listened to Andy Stanley's video, "Not In It To Win".  After listening to him I feel I was on the right track. I feel it was a confirmation of what I had written. Now I am still a "One Talent" writer compared to someone like Andy Stanley or his father Charles Stanley that has written many books. I consider them to be "5 talent" servants, way above my league. But it did encourage me that I was on the right track. As I listen to his video and I would encourage you to listen to it also, I feel I was on the right track. He is much better at articulating his thoughts than I am. Charles Stanley also encouraged me recently, don't discount the small things God has given you to do. Christ lost that we might win. The win we want is in eternity. We can win by accepting Jesus into our hearts and lives as our Lord and Savior. But as Christians, I think we need to follow Christs' example to lose. Everything in our world today seems to focus on winning.  Get everything you are entitled to. How often do we hear about winning? Our political parties are focused on winning at any cost. It is not Christ's way. We are dividing ourselves politically and losing our country. The church is choosing sides and we need to continue the battle to win lost souls to Jesus. We have chosen political sides. Yes, it is the right thing to do to vote your conscience. We are a representative type of government that depends on people voting their conscience. But we need to not choose sides in the church. Run for office obeying your conscience, serve people of your community in that way. It is the right thing to do. But churches need to continue to serve their communities in the best way they know-how. Christ did not come to set up a ruling order on earth. He wants our hearts. Our ultimate goal is to make heaven our home and take as many with us as we possibly can. I voted my conscience in this last election and I have been somewhat disappointed. But our focus is not to be on the political party of our choosing. We need to be Christian first, democrat or republican conservative or liberal should be way down on the list of descriptors for us. Much of what I heard in the last year from former Black Pastors makes me think they are Democrats before they are Christian. And in the white churches, I sometimes feel the opposite is true. Republican before they are Christian. No matter what happens in the political arena of today Christians should still be united. I don't think we are. I think we want to win when sometimes we need to lose to keep relationships healthy. IF this election was stolen as many think, people still need to come to know Jesus. It could be God's plan to bring revival to the land. I don't always understand what God is doing. God is still sovereign.  My focus should still be to convince others to follow Jesus. Sometimes I think we need to lose more so we can win at the end of time. Whatever happens, God is still on his throne. God is still sovereign and he at least allowed it to happen.  Is our hope really in God or in a political party? Is our hope truly in God or in a certain President? We need to be able to lose and still be the same towards God.  God bless, LVZ.

Underestimate

Most of my life I have not been very ambitious. I was happy or content with the job I held. I loved being a Mockup Mechanic. In my whole life that was probably my favorite job. During my time as a Mockup Mechanic, I took after-hours courses through the company I worked for. This particular time I took what was called CATIA (Computer Aided Three-dimensional Interactive Application). After that 40-hour class was over I realized that Mockup was going to go away and be replaced by computers. I loved Mockup. I went back to my job and looked around and thought there are too many people with more seniority than me, even if they keep a skeleton Mockup crew, it probably won't include me. I did desire to be a lead in Mockup but I realized the time was short and I needed to prepare for something else. I gave up my dream of staying in Mockup and becoming a lead.  I took more CATIA classes. There were probably thousands of hours of classes over the years. Catia was fun. In the process I took a job as a Mockup Planner and continued taking Catia classes. I underestimated myself probably because of the way I was raised. I asked a planner one day when I heard they were looking for planners if he thought I could do the job as planner. He said sure you can. I applied and got a planning job for two years. It was a small office with just 5 planners, one clerk, and a supervisor. I continued with CATIA classes. One day after about two years as a planner an engineering supervisor talked to me and said they need CATIA people now and asked if I'd be interested. I was and I took two hours of vacation time and walked over to this supervisor's area and talked to his lead.  I was hired as a Tech Designer operating CATIA. A Tech Designer is an engineer without a degree.  Over the years I signed a lot of drawings as an Engineer in the Title Block of drawings. I had not even thought about being an engineer.   Four years before I retired I was asked if I'd take an acting lead position when our lead was fired. He wasn't fired from the company just taken out of the position of Lead Engineer. I was the senior Design Engineer employee in our office. I was just a Tech Designer and there would be degree engineers working with me.  We had planners in our office, we had Shop Investigators and Design Engineers. The Planners had a lead, the Shop Investigators had a lead and the Design Engineers had a lead. I said OK and started to work as the Lead for the Design Engineers in that ECAT (Electrical Corrective Action Team) office.  Two months later the supervisor asked me if I would just take the job, they were happy with me and I didn't need to go through a selection process, the job was mine if I wanted it. I was finally a Lead. I had really underestimated what I was capable of doing. I give the glory to God. On my last day as a Planner during my two-year stint as planner, our supervisor held a crew meeting to wish me well as I embarked on a new career.  He said something about the good job I had done and made a remark that of all the planning jobs of the 5 planners in that office, 75% of the jobs in the planning panels in the mockup shop had my name on them.  I didn't believe it and after the meeting, I went to each panel and counted the number of jobs and counted how many had my name on them. He did not tell a lie. In the process of finishing my work I would help each of the other planners as they had need. Even though they had done the planning by helping them my name ended up on their work orders. During the last part of my two years as a planner, I ended up on second shift by myself, 5 planners and I was the junior planner. 20% of the plant were directed by a Vice President of the company who had to be on the second shift. I was 20%.  I still did the same thing, if the other planners would ask me to I would continue to help them as I had time. We also had a clerk and some days at the end of her shift she would get stacks and stacks of drawing that needed to be stamped with a "mockup use only" stamp. When I finished my work I worked on her stack of drawings.  Sometimes I was able to finish them all.  She had told her husband about this planner on second shift that would help her with stamping the drawings. It wasn't a planning function but I wasn't busy so I helped. He was the Engineering Supervisor that hired me to the Engineering Department. I realize I probably was a lot more capable than I realized at the time, and God blessed my work ethic. I have written a blog about being a one talent person, and I still think that way but in reading a book by Charles Stanley, he said never discount what God asks you to do. In reality, I worked for God on the job a lot more than I ever realized at the time. I thought that in working for God you had to be a minister or a teacher or something. I never realized how much I was actually working for God all those years on a purely secular job. I realize it today and thank God for blessing me the way he did. I affected people on the job sometimes good and sometimes bad. There were times I was hated for the stand I took, and never realized how much I was actually working for God. I still consider myself a one talent person, but believe God expects us all, one, two, or five talent people to do our best.  I think one talent people want to hide their work in the dirt because it is not good enough. Don't discount what God gives you to do.   God bless, LVZ.

After Effects

Yesterday I blogged about having the Corvidvirus and how I felt about the telephone calls my wife was receiving. I confessed I was angry about it. So I feel God is trying to teach me something.  Here is a scripture that comes to mind and troubles me in Matthew 6:15 it says: But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive yours. I understand why I feel the way I do. Their actions have damaged the relationship between me and them. In a way, they owe me something. There is a debt that occurred. They may not even have any idea of how I feel, but I am not sure how I would describe the base feeling. I know I felt angry but always there is something beyond the anger. I thought back to Andy Stanley's teaching on relationships and here I see the relationship between me and them has been damaged, and they may not even know it. My Bible teaches me I need to forgive. There is no other way to interpret that scripture.  I feel angry towards them, there has been a transgression of sorts. I may be the only one that knows about it. As a Christian, I need to forgive. I don't know right now if that is the only step needed to fix the damaged relationship or not. It is my step, and perhaps until I forgive I may not know what the next step is. I have prayed about it, I know the Bible enough to know just from this one scripture that to forgive is a core value of a Christian. It is not always easy.  the thing I see is how easy it is for a relationship to get damaged and one does not even know what they did to damage it. I have had a lot of trouble with relationships over the years. I see it in my family, it is like a generational curse. Another thought is we hear so much about winning. I think this is a losing proposition for me. I have to give up what is owed to me. In order to heal a damaged relationship, I need to lose. Then I think isn't that what Christ modeled for us? He gave everything, his very life for our sins. There was no win for Christ. He lost. Is this the principle that is taught in Ephesians? For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her. (NLT) Ephesians 5:25.  I think this means we lose as Christ gave up his life for the church for us. He lost.  I don't think there is a win /win situation in this. Christ lost so we could have a relationship with him. If I want to heal relationships, I think sometimes we just have to lose the debt that is owed. Maybe it is all the time. How many times have you seen a relationship go downhill because one person gets hurt and the other person may not even realize they did anything wrong and there is no forgiving of debt and it snowballs downhill. Sometimes I think we just have to lose. I feel I would do more damage by just explaining how I feel. I need to forgive. It is a core value of a Christian. God bless, LVZ.

Covidvirus

 Barbara and I went through several weeks of quarantine for having the Covid Virus. It was miserable. We were both very sick. She was sicker than I originally. I tried to help as much as I could, fixing soup or just trying to get her to put something in her stomach. She did not want anything and although somewhat back to normal still eats very little. I think the worst part of it was when her family and friends started calling her to go to the ER. When you have every telephone call you get urging you to go to the ER because you sound sick, it doesn't help. I really feel these same people would have done some good if they had encouraged her to keep fluids and perhaps a broth or something in her stomach. But I am sure after twenty calls a day telling you how sick you are it will have an effect on you. The ambulance did come and check her out, her oxygen level was 94%, her blood pressure was good, her lungs were clear and early on she did have a temp but not then.  I also called the Triage nurse and explained what was happening, maybe I am missing something, but she gets twenty calls a day urging her to go to the ER.  The nurse went through a long list of questions and once again explained she is very sick but not ER sick. She finally did go to the ER, for 4.5 hours and they sent her back home. They did give her some fluids. The emergency room and hospital in Tupelo are full, no more room. I know several people that did get sent to hospitals in the region from 25 to 50 miles away. The message I got in all this was I can not be trusted to take care of her. Tell somebody they are sick twenty times a day for a week and I guarantee they will feel worse.  I refused to take any calls myself. I suppose I have people mad at me but can you imagine what it is like to be really sick with covid and have people calling like her best friend and crying on the phone you need to go to the ER. Her son calls, Momma, your all I got please go to the ER. If they weren't calling Barbara, they were calling her son and putting pressure on him. He is the one that called the ambulance the day they checked her out. I think the reason I was not as sick as she was is that I stayed hydrated. Of course, it actually did help for her to go to the ER because then the insane phone calls stopped because they gave her fluids and she actually felt better when hydrated properly. I am still angry about this. I hope I die first because all the family will blame me if she goes first. The handwriting is on the wall, I cannot be trusted. I am glad it is over but I still don't feel very good towards all these people that were calling her and telling her she needs to go to the ER. I wish they would stop and think about what they did. They did not help. Sometimes you don't need enemies, well-meaning friends and family are just as bad when you are really sick.  Please if you have family that is sick don't call them twenty times a day telling them how sick they are. It wasn't just one person but about 5 or 6 that did this and that amounts to a lot of calls in a single day. Think about it. The after effects of this will last longer than the Covid at least for me.   God bless, LVZ.

Covid-19

 My household is in quarantine, Barbara tested Positive and I tested negative. I can go back in three days and get tested again but instructions will be the same,  quarantine for two weeks.  I have heard it takes six days for the virus to show up. SO far it hasn't been bad. We both had fevers around 100 plus or minus, a cough. and a headache. The worst part is staying at home. We get off quarantine right before Christmas. Can't go nowhere. I have been out in the yard a few times. Can I tell you what I think. We need to treat this just like the flu. Isolate and don't go around people, wash your hands. Wear your mask out in public, but we can't go out in public. Barbara has been wearing her mask around me but I tell her there is no point in it. It's just me and her. But I am sure she thinks she's protecting me. I am sure I have it, I have the cough, the headache, the fever, but to prove it I would need to get tested again. I know it is worse for some people but so is the flu.  I would ask my doctor for Chloroqinine but unfortunately, Trump said something good about it so it's banned.  If it saves just one life it worth it right. All these people were documented as being helped by it but bing pharma can't charge a big price because it has been around forever. Tell me it isn't political. I think I will live as many days as I would have before the virus. I just had to get sick. Covid-19 is probably a title that will get a lot of views. But not much here this time.  God bless, LVZ.

Learning

 Much of what I know and believe has developed over years of Christian living. I did not wake up the morning after I became a Christian and know everything I know today.  I learned over years and years. From this pastor, that pastor, this teacher this radio minister, and this is important reading on my own.  I started to learn some better parenting skills years ago but my kids were already teenagers. I unlearned some legalistic thinking although I often feel I am still at my core very legalistic.  I think of using honest weights and measures scriptures and how I even apply them to voting and political campaigning tactics. Honesty is a core value of being a Christian. Using honest weights and measures is not something that is really familiar in our modern world. Sometimes you can go to a hardware store and buy a pound of nails or it is common to weigh fruits and vegetables in a market. But it is a principle that is taught that has been the same over time. It applies to our jobs where we are to give 8 hours work for 8 hours pay.  Dealing with relationships and with our children is learned from the Bible but it is not like there is a book in the Bible just on that subject.  It is scattered throughout the Bible. In Psalms 119 there are many mentions of learning God's precepts, his ways, his laws, his commands. That is what Christians have done over time.  The principle for being honest with a quarter is the same as being honest with a quarter of a million. I guess what I am trying to say is there are principles over little things and sometimes that same principle applies to some major issues or the reverse. Being honest in a business environment is the same principle as being honest in voting. I think we have lost some of these principles by thinking it is too small an issue to matter. Like playing a monopoly game and cheating. It is just a game but if you can excuse your behavior in a child game, have you learned to excuse it in business as an adult?  Perhaps this is legalistic. It may border on legalism but I also think it is true. I am still tempted at times to be dishonest. Sometimes it doesn't make sense to me. It can be as simple as Barbara asking me what I had for lunch, and I may not want to tell her. As I was listening to Andy Stanley teaching about disciplining children with an eye towards restoring relationships. The principle is taught in our relating to others. Andy uses the love chapter in 1 Corinthians 13. It is not saying this is what you do when you are raising your children, but this is how you respond to people you love. Who do you love more than your family? This has been some really good teaching. I am still meditating and writing about it. It has really made me think. Often when I write I may just use one scripture verse, but care needs to be taken that the word of God is interpreted by the word of God. Sometimes whole denominations are started as a result of a one-off scripture verse. Jesus is told about from Genesis to Revelation and Jesus came to restore the relationship that was broken in the Garden of Eden. God sets the standard so high that we fail and then he forgives us. We can see a relationship even in Genesis at the start of everything. God would come in the cool of the evening to talk with Adam and Eve.  After they sinned they tried hiding from God. The relationship was broken. God started working to restore the broken relationship. We deal with broken relationships our whole life. We sin and are selfish and do not consider others when God tells us to consider others more important than ourselves. When we relate to others, we often ask about them and show an interest in them. When we are selfish we consider ourselves and want to talk about ourselves. God works to restore relationships with himself and with others. There is a guiding principle in life that we consider others more important than ourselves. When a husband or wife considers the other partner's needs and wants we have a good relationship, when we selfishly seek to fulfill our own needs and use that person, we don't have a good relationship. It only works for the selfish person. When we consider others it works for both of us. We are relational beings at our core. That is the way God designed us. I get so tired of listening to commercials these days, get everything you deserve. It looks to self as relational beings we need to consider others. Consider ways to restore relationships.   God bless, LVZ.

Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Philippians 2:3 (NLT)

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant. 1 Corinthians 13:4 (ESV) 

Relationships

 

I did not grow up knowing how to fix broken relationships. In listening to Andy Stanley in a series called Parenting in the 21st Century I am learning a lot. He was telling how just saying I'm sorry is not enough. He explains writing out a sentence like I'm sorry I ____________________. Write it out so you own what you did. Work towards restoring a relationship.  A relationship was broken and that is what needs fixing. I have listened to each segment several times. I have known for some time I wasn't a good parent but this teaching is pointing out some mistakes I made. I remember growing up Dad's reputation was important as he was a minister. It was more important than us. Often it was the feeling we got, not always able to put it into words back then. We weren't very important, looking good to others was more important than how we feel. My youngest brother was just a baby and I remember Dad saying things of affirmation to our baby brother but he did it in a way that made me feel the rest of us were not important.  I remember when the oldest brother's marriage was breaking up, his father-in-law was worried about his reputation as a minister. Children came second to their reputation. This is what we felt many times growing up. Maybe not able to put it into words back then but we did not feel important. We took many blows to our self-esteem growing up. Perhaps that explains why we have a difficult time in relationships, it was not modeled for us. That brings me to another thought. We learn more by what our parents modeled than by what they taught. Our parents did not intend to harm us, they just didn't have good parenting skills. I didn't either. If your children don't have that good relationship before they leave the home why would they want to be like you or near you? I know myself and many of my siblings have stated we did not want to be like Dad.  We did not feel loved, or important. We were just a burden to him having been born.  I know that was the feeling I had a lot growing up.  Having been modeled these things despite what I may have been taught, I realize more and more how my parenting skills were inadequate. I do love my children, but perhaps in many ways I modeled the same things. One of the things he told that he expressed was his finest parenting moment was when one of his sons disrespected their mom. When he heard about it, he was so angry. After he cooled down a bit he questioned how he would handle this with an eye towards restoring the broken relationship. His son was already old enough to drive. He instructed his son that he would ask his mother out on a date and take her to dinner and pay for it. His son said you have got to be kidding.  He would probably have wanted to give up his keys and driving privileges as punishment, but Andy was looking towards a goal of restoration of a broken relationship.  Of course, it wasn't easy and in the course of the dinner mother and son talked, and an apology was given for what he had done.  His son owed a debt to his mother for what he had done. Andy explained after an apology you work towards what can I do to make it right. Andy says his wife has said that was one of his parenting bests. It is a treasured moment to this day. Instead of punishment, we should look for a way to restore a broken relationship.  I wonder how many mistakes I made looking for a fitting punishment rather than to restore a relationship that was broken. I really think that was some good teaching. I have listened to each segment several times. Andy explains that is what Jesus modeled for us in salvation. While we were yet sinners and broke the relationship with God, he sent Jesus to restore our relationship. Perhaps this explains why there is such a gap between me and the children I love. I really wasn't a good parent, I really didn't have this knowledge and adequate parenting skills when my kids were growing up. I really did love them and feel bad that the relationship is often broken. They don't feel comfortable with me or even want a relationship. I didn't model good parenting. Jesus forgives, and once again I am thankful for Grace and Mercy. I don't know if it will help to learn too late to use in raising my children but it certainly won't hurt. Jesus modeled fixing broken relationships. We deal with broken relationships our whole life, look towards a way to restore those relationships. Andy does a very good job in this teaching segment and I am sure I will listen to it again. I found it by googling Parenting in the 21st Century. It was North Point Community Church. I noted there was a book or something with a similar title but I don't know about that. I just look for North Point or Andy Stanley. God bless, LVZ.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.1 Corinthians 13:4-7

In The Image Of God

 We are all created in the image of God. What does that mean? I guess as I ponder this question, I think about some posts I just deleted.  I told some of my stories about my exes and how they injured me.  It bothers me. Yes, there were bad things done to me, but I need to remember that these women are made in the image of God. Or how about the divide between leftists and conservatives. Now that it is believed that Joe Biden is presumed to have won the election, suddenly they want to work together. For 4 years they fought Trump any way they could,  now let our differences go and let's work together. How hypocritical, if you will work with them on their terms only. So as I think this through leftist are made in the image of God as were the exes that hurt me. I have come to the place in my life where I feel I have forgiven the hurts of the past and hope every one of my exes makes it to heaven. But you cannot believe any way you want to, Jesus is the only way to God. So I hope my exes have a faith in God that will take them to heaven. I deleted those posts because I told some of my hurt stories. I guarantee my exes have stories also. Did they hurt me in various ways, yes they did. But did I hurt them and am I aware of the hurts that I caused? I am that one that I have to fix. I need to understand my wicked ways and turn from them as 2 Chronicles 7:14 says. Yes, I have many stories I can tell over the course of four divorces. From my perspective, I was wronged. But I guarantee they have stories and hurts also. I hope that as I tell my stories I keep in mind that these women are important to God. God loves them just as much as he loves me. Maybe there is healing in sharing our hurts. I heard this saying a shared sorrow is half a sorrow and a shared joy is a double joy. I wish I could tell my stories in such a way as to make the point I want to make without hurting the other person in the story. So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. Genesis 1:27.   Do I understand my part of the divorces and did I fix me?  That is an important part of these stories. One brother-in-law pointed out I have the record of the most divorces in our family. Not a record to be proud of, I would be surprised if someone at my church had a record bigger than mine. This is not a record to celebrate but perhaps mourn. May God forgive and heal any hurts that I caused.  Every one of my exes was made in the image of God, as were the leftist I disagree with. God bless, LVZ.