Do I Own It

I used this term in a recent blog, in a more modern vernacular, do I own it. Am I successful at living a Christian life. God's grace is not something we earn, it is given freely.  Language changes over time and we even have new words today or words like own that are used slightly different than in the past.
Do I own this Christian living? Am I doing a good job of being a Christian.  The Bible instructs us to forgive infinitely just as Christ has forgiven us. If people think being a Christian is easy, its not. To obey Christ is not always the easy path. Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times. Matthew 18:21-22.  A Christian asks, what does this mean? The King James says seventy times seven. Perhaps it is meant to never be counted how many times we forgive. So when I look at this, I don't feel I own it, in the modern vernacular. If I owned it I wouldn't have to question or read this verse to remind myself  what Christ says, it would just come automatically. But it doesn't, because Christians aren't perfect.  The Church I attend is currently in the process of looking to appoint new Elders for a three year term and Pastor spoke about this, probably every time they approach someone to be an Elder, they feel they are not qualified. Perhaps it is the necessary humility on their part, but they have been prayerfully considered before even asked. They probably do not feel they own it. Probably never will.  Christians are human, they are not perfect. They don't wake up the morning after accepting Christ as their Lord and Savior with an unlimited knowledge of scripture. It is a lifestyle. It may start with a simple little prayer, Jesus forgive me for my sins, and the forgiveness is done in an instant. But the growth is a life time thing. Spiritual growth is not like physical  growth where you expect a baby to walk after a year. We instantly may start proclaiming our new relationship, but we are in a state of growth until we meet our Lord and Savior. Our understanding grows with time. And sometimes our understanding even changes over time. New born babies are selfish in the natural and they change hopefully over time to be less selfish and to think of others. Christians are not perfect, they are still learning and growing. Some grow slowly and some grow very quickly. Some  seem to have only a year of spiritual growth after twenty years. As one minister said, they don't have twenty years experience, they have one year of experience repeated twenty times. God is still working on me. But to answer my own question, Do I own it? I don't feel that I do. I am still learning and growing. I feel it will be that way until the day I die. Grace is freely given, not something we earn by living righteous lives. We are not perfect, just forgiven, rings true. I think that was one of my biggest struggles as a young Christian, thinking I had to be perfect, and knowing I wasn't. We are Christian by the grace of God, never do we earn it. I want to be mature in my faith, like Abraham, not wavering in my faith, but always trusting, even when I do not know where God is leading me. To own it implies my skill was involved. I do not own it, I am a Christian by grace, by the gift of God alone, not by anything I have done.  When God knocked on my hearts door, I opened it and invited him in.  I don't own it, I am a product of grace. Undeserved grace, freely given. I am thankful I didn't get what I deserved, but received grace instead. God bless, LVZ.