Difficult Subject

I think I heard for the first time a Preacher speak about suicide in a message. Depression is a common ailment in our society and any one that has lost a loved one in this way probably has difficulty with this subject.  If it is OK for me to put this in my words I will. Jesus saves and he saves from all sort of sin. At one time I believed divorce was close to the unpardonable sin. My church I grew up in preached for us to remain unmarried or be reconciled to our spouse. It doesn't happen but I believe many feel they are no longer worthy when they fail in marriage especially when taught like that.
Therefore I tell you, every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven people, but the blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven. And whoever speaks a word against the Son of Man will be forgiven, but whoever speaks against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven, either in this age or in the age to come.  Matthew 12:31-32    This scripture says that all sin can be forgiven except that of blasphemy against the Spirit is the only sin that will not be forgiven. If we have repented of our sins they are forgiven. I wrote in another blog about people that hang their spiritual existence on a certain scripture and it is only believing on Jesus for the forgiveness of our sins is the only way.  We cannot see into a persons heart and always know where they stand with God but God does. It has been explained to me that blasphemy against the spirit is when the spirit convicts our heart and we say no. God knocks on our hearts door and we say no we don't need him. I remember when I was 16 years old and very depressed, I often walked over the freeway overpass near our home and would look at the semi's coming at 70 miles an hour and thought if I could just jump off in front of them it would all be over. Of course I never did but I certainly thought about it more than once. When I was about 29 - 30 years old, I lost my job, the best job I ever had. My marriage was failing, I felt friendless and so lost. I thought my family would be better off without me. I lived in a dumpy old trailer house out in the country and it seemed everything was going wrong. I felt unloved and unappreciated. I took a 22 rifle one day and drove my pinto station wagon up on a logging road as far as I could go in the Cascades. I left that day intending to end it all up there where no one would probably find me for a long time.  When I couldn't go no farther I held the rifle up under my head but could not pull the trigger.  I cried out to God, please help me. No help came right then or so I thought. I never did pull the trigger up there in the woods.  After crying and pouring my heart out to God and feeling like he didn't care, I got turned around and went home.  When I got home a goat had caught herself in the barbed wire fence and I knew I needed to put her down, she was tore open and I had no money for a vet. I got the 22 rifle to put her down and bury her. The rifle would not fire, I discovered the firing pin was broken. I don't like to tell this because I do not believe God takes away free choice. I did not pull the trigger up there in the woods. Perhaps it would have fired if I'd pulled it and I wouldn't be here to tell my story. Perhaps God did this to show me he did care, I really don't know. I had to borrow another gun to put the goat down. I heard several people tell their stories how they survived depression and this is mine. Find someone to talk to, tell your hurts and disappointments to someone. I have had a good life since those days. I got through it. I turned my life back over to God shortly after that happened. My life has not been perfect, I still went through a divorce, more than once. I have had trouble on the job where I just didn't know how I would go to work another day. But life has been good. I am so glad I turned my troubles over to the God of the universe. He saw me on that overpass at 16, he saw me on that logging road as a young man with two kids at home and he did care. He changed my life. I went through many and perhaps even worse troubles after surrendering to God, but never was I alone. God was always there in every difficulty, job troubles, divorce, you name it he was there.  I answered when he called on my heart some days later after my trip into the woods and I let him in. I am so glad I did. I know there are many more stories out there and they are hard to tell. But I also know that Jesus cares and will help us through all our troubles. Trouble don't last always, we get through it especially with the help of another person or even God himself.   If I post this, I don't expect to keep it up long, it is hard to tell these stories  but depression is real and it kills when we don't get the help we need. I had a youth leader and his wife that allowed me to come to their house every day after school and they helped me through those dark days when I was 16. They allowed me to get my mail at their house, sometimes I don't know what I would have done without them.  I don't think I ever told them what I had thought about doing on that overpass. I had a Sunday School teacher and a Pastor come and talk to me during those dark days after the logging road incident. they helped me through, they cared for me as a human being. I made it through thanks to many. I don't believe I have ever told this story to anyone until recently. Jesus did still care about me and does to this day. Every divorce, every hardship, he was there and I am grateful.  I thank him.  Jesus forgives sins and helps us through the good and the bad times. Lynda Randle sings "the God on the Mountain is still God in the valley. When things go wrong he'll make them right". I am so glad I came to know this Jesus in the midst of some of the most difficult times in my life. My life has never been perfect, and I am not here to tell you if you accept Jesus everything will be perfect. It won't be, but Jesus will be with you every step of your life. That first marriage still failed and several more, but Jesus walked with me through it all. I never would have made it on my own. I can't answer what God will do in every situation. He is a just , a fair and a loving God. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:19   God does forgive sins. past present and future, He alone knows our heart.  If he knocks on your hearts door let him in. You have absolutely nothing to lose and everything to gain by trusting Jesus with your heart and life.   God bless, LVZ.