Taking Responsibility

I have been gone for a few days. Our Tenth anniversary, and it is a new record. We are only suppose to be married once for life, the bible says so. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate. Mark 10:9 I noticed many people I know have been divorced and married again at least once. It says something about you when you have been in multiple relationships. I really don't want to discuss that at all, or make this about marriage. Lets just say if something keeps happening over and over again, you may need to find the common denominator. In my case it is me. I have had to take a good look at me. It is real easy to look at an ex and see their faults, it is a lot harder to look inside and see mine. I have learned to accept the fact that I failed. More than once.  It is me that needed to change. Yes I know that both parties had a part in any failure, but I can only fix me. It does no good to point out a flaw in an ex. It will not fix them or me. So what I really want to talk about is looking inside. I think I have learned a couple of things at least. I am not sure any one should go to a person that has been married multiple times for advice, then on the other hand I have a lot of experience. So what have I learned in looking back. I can only fix me and it has never done any good to bad mouth an ex. My favorite Uncle once asked me why I have been married so many times, and then without waiting for an answer, he said, I'll pray for you. About the same time as Barbara and I are celebrating our tenth, a couple that I admire much are celebrating their 50th. Barbara and I will have to live to l04 to match that record. I have had to make changes in me. I did not receive good training growing up on how to be a good husband and father. As much as I hate it, I probably showed the training I did receive. I had to look inside and fix me. Our parents are the best example we have, in my case I lived with them for 18 years. The trick is to copy the good and change the bad. I am responsible for my life since I turned 18. My decisions were my own. My Dad was generous to other people, in my own way I copied that. He was hard on his family, I copied that. I use to just pop in on extended family with no warning, until someone pointed out that is what Dad use to do. I decided I needed to change that.  Recently I was reflecting on a change that I purposely made in my own life. When I was married to my children's mother, we lived for a long time about 6 miles from town and about that far from a gas station. I used to get so upset when my children's mother use to come home with the car on empty. I felt it would be me that would run out of gas and walk to get gas. I remember once saying when you bring home that car on empty, I will not drive it.  Today I try to make sure my wife does not have to put gas in her car. I try to drive it once a week just to make sure it is full of gas. It is a different attitude in me. I developed an attitude that it is my responsibility to make sure she has gas in her car. Life is much more pleasant when you try to take care of your mate. I look back and I see selfishness, and that is what I have tried to change. I try to take responsibility for my actions and not blame someone else, but what can I do better. I am the only one that can change me. I have asked for God's help over the years to be more like my heavenly father. I want to show his characteristics in my actions. I want to resemble my heavenly father more than I resemble my earthly father. With God's help all things are possible. God bless, LVZ.