Looking Inward

As I look inward as in my last post, I remember back to times when I looked more like the world around me than like my Heavenly Father. I made same bad errors in judgement.  Some  would call it sin. I don't want to be too hard on myself or on others for that matter. Many years ago I lived in an apartment on Hiway Place.  I remember taking evening walks and talking to my God.  I remember thinking I wasn't really doing so good spiritually, but looking back I really enjoyed my time with God. I fell away from God after that period. I remember living on 5 acres and I would come  home from work and walk out into the woods and talk to my God. Those were precious times. I remember another time I liked to talk to God was when I was driving alone. Its much easier in the days of blue tooth as people seeing you talking away probably think you are talking on a cell phone. But in my case it was before the days of blue tooth. I look back and I treasure those times.  My spiritual journey was up and down. I heard others talk about that too, up and down, mountain and valley. I remember several prayers that God answered almost instantly, and they have stuck with me through the years. One was when I was but about 5 years old. My dad was digging a basement under our house in Bismark, N.D.  He would load the dirt into the back of his old pickup and haul it out into the country and dump it off somewhere. On this particular day, when Dad was finished unloading the dirt, the pickup wouldn't start.  He was angry, and when I saw Dad get angry, I got scared. I walked a little ways away and prayed just a simple little prayer, God let that truck start.  The truck started, and I believe it was God because I remember it after all these years.  God has not answered every prayer like that. One other time, I had gotten divorced and married another lady, I really shouldn't have married. I didn't want to live in sin, so we married, but it was a disaster. We were separated after one month, and even got evicted out of the apartment I had lived in for months before we married. I remember thinking God I did this and I know you hate divorce. I was praying about this relationship because my wife didn't want a divorce but I thought she was unfaithful to me. I couldn't prove it but that was the way I was thinking. I was driving down Yakima street in Tacoma Washington, praying God I know I got myself into this marriage. I know you hate divorce. I think she is cheating on me but I can't see what you see. I was really hurting. Am I being to hasty in wanting a divorce, she does not want a divorce. I need help, because this is how I feel and I don't know what to do. These are probably not my exact words but close to what I was praying that day as I was driving. I was about a block away from the place where she was staying on Yakima street and I decided to turn to Park street, one block over so as to not look like I was checking up on her. After I go past her place I would have gotten back on Yakima Street and continued on my way.  I pulled up to a stop sign at 56th and Park. I was about the fourth car back, when I saw my wife walking across the street ahead of the line of cars. She walked to a gas station on my right and got into a van of the man I thought she was cheating with. God did not speak to me audibly, but in my mind, I heard this thought, now don't go over there and make a fool of yourself, I showed you this so you would know. I did not make a fool of myself that day, and went on my way. I never said anything to my wife about that day and what I saw. I have never forgotten that prayer. It showed me that even when we mess up and get into situations, God is still concerned about our welfare.  I treasure those times I spent in prayer, if I was driving, or walking along a street or even meditating in the woods.  Those have been just a couple of answered prayer that will stick with me for a life time. Over the years God has changed me in a lot of ways. Many things I prayed about were answered over time, but very few in an instant like these two times. I still treasure my time with God as many times I look inward and ask his help in situations and issues I see in my life. God has been faithful and I know he loves me.  God bless, LVZ.