The Fifth Commandment

 The short list:  Honor your father and your mother.

Exodus 20:12 Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.

The first thing I notice is the promise given in the last half of this verse. That thy days may be long.  In trying to understand this better I have copied a part of Matthew Henry's commentary. What I noticed in this commentary, Matthew Henry first talks about parents: The duty of parents. Be not impatient; use no unreasonable severities. Deal prudently and wisely with children; convince their judgements and work upon their reason. Bring them up well; under proper and compassionate correction; and in the knowledge of the duty God requires.  Often is this duty neglected,  even among professors of the gospel. Many set their children against religion; but this does not excuse the children's disobedience, though it may be awfully occasion it. God alone can change the heart, yet he gives his blessing to the good lessons and examples of parents, and answers their prayers. 

But those, whose chief anxiety is that their children should be rich and accomplished, whatever becomes of their souls, must not look for the blessing of God. 

Just because we were not the best parent as described above does not excuse the children from this commandment. It is the first commandment with a specific promise. It gives an incentive to obey. The results of this are a long way off , after the parents are long gone, will this promise be fulfilled. Obedience and respect were words I read in explaining this.  This starts the commandments that are about relationship to others. The first four commandments give instruction to relate to God, to honor God.  This is the start of relating to others on this earth.  The promise is not to honor just the good parents that have fulfilled the description Matthew Henry laid out above. But any parent, good bad or indifferent. My use of indifferent was intentional in this writing.  I ofttimes hear people attribute long life to a healthy diet or something else, but I believe this to be the scriptural reason for long life. I wonder what we would find in the lives of our oldest living persons if we could go back and look at their earlier lives. I believe we would find that they honored, respected, obeyed their parents. It doesn't mean they didn't disagree with them. But even in disagreement, I believe they respected and honored their parents. I recently gave an opinion about what I found to be important in my life, to my daughter. I don't know if it was the manner in which I gave it, but she felt I was critical of her decisions in raising her children. I assured her I didn't mean it that way. I was just stating what I felt worked in my life the best. I will go to the grave thinking like I do. Her children were given to her by God and they are her responsibility, not mine. As we talked I felt respected and honored. Even though I felt she did not totally agree with what I was saying. I believe that is what God wants. She is an adult and has to make her own decisions, it is her responsibility. I as a grandfather will not lose my opinions just because I am old and am probably more outspoken than I have ever been. Very few parents that I know,  do a very good job as Matthew Henry describes above. But the promise still stands, because God made it. I think of a person I know, I'll call her April.  April never knew who her father was. April's mother spent most of April's adolescent and teen age years in and out of prison. April was 12 when I first met her and her Mom was just starting a 4 year prison term. April kept waiting for her mom to get out so they could be together. After that 4 year term was up. April's mother was out for just a short time before she went to prison again for another crime. God doesn't make any allowance to not honor for bad parenting. This commandment has no qualifiers. April must honor that parent the same as James Dobson's children must honor him. A preacher recently said that honor means to give weight to, or do not take lightly  what a parent says. Think about what they say, consider it, don't just lightly discount a parents words because they were not a good parent. As we become adults, we do not have to blindly follow our parents commands, but consider what they said. We have a responsibility to God over everything else. But even Jesus listened to his mother and started his earthly miracles at her wish, and he was God.When a parent tells us something, give weight, give thought to what they say. That is giving honor, it does not mean we have to blindly follow their words.  God bless, LVZ.