Churches*

Not every church I have been a part of has been a healthy church, but I think I am learning. I have prayed about what Church to attend for probably the last 20 years. Before that, I was just a part of the church I grew up in. I think I have learned some good stuff at every place I have been to. Even though I look back and feel some were not so healthy, I still received good stuff. God's word is independent of the deliverer. God's word will not return to Him void but will accomplish the purpose for which it was sent. I have some favorites that I like to listen to on the Internet or TV. Charles Stanley on Intouch has been one of my favorites for many years. I think he has been studying God's word longer than I have been alive. I enjoy Bill Wolfson from CFAN Tacoma, another favorite. I try to listen every week on the Internet. Doctor David Jeremiah is another favorite. Sometimes I listen to him when I can't find Charles Stanley. If I miss church, I try to listen to Scooter Noland from Hope Church on the Internet. These are some of my favorites. I believe we have a responsibility for what we take in spiritually for spiritual food. I believe there is a lot of junk food spiritually. I heard someone the other day talking about getting the seed into the ground quickly as I was flipping channels and I quickly moved on. We need to be a part of a body of believers. We need to have pastors and leaders over us watching for our souls. We also need to feed ourselves. I was burning brush recently and I could pull the pieces of wood apart and the fire would cool down. I could shove them closer together and the fire would heat up. We are like that spiritually, we need each other. When we are apart from other believers we too can cool down and actually go out. We need each other, spiritual friends as well. The Church doesn't need us as much as we need them. Forsake not the assembling of yourselves together or similar words are found in the Bible. We need Churches, pray to find the right church and then pray for that church and the leaders. We need each other. I think there is something for me to learn from praying for a church to attend that I need to use in other areas of my life. Some of my decisions have not been as good as the churches I have chosen. I prayed and kept looking until I felt God answered that prayer and didn't settle for less. I need God's direction in all parts of my life. I believe there is something good about being loyal but we also need to follow God direction for our lives. I am glad I didn't stay where I was brought up. I am thankful for what I was taught at the time, but I am also glad I moved when I felt God wanted me to move. It was hard at first, I felt as if I was going against God. God is not just in one place. He meets with many congregations all over this city and other cities. Some people can stay and be an instrument for change. As I was looking I had one young minister tell me I needed to look for the Church where Jesus was at, not the right Church. I felt it was time to move on because I believe God meets with many congregations, and what may be right for the next person may not be right for me. Are they there to help people and to build people or are they there for numbers? I believe the Church is more of a Hospital than a health club. If we had perfect Christians I guess it could look more like health club but I don't know any perfect Christians, so I do think the Church needs to be more like a Hospital. A city of refuge, possibly, I heard a sermon by that title one time that I thought was pretty good. God bless, LVZ.

The apple don't fall far from the tree*

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree is a saying most of us have heard from time to time. I heard people say I'm like my father in some ways. The way I used to just show up unannounced, they say my Dad did that also. The way I would run my hand through my hair, someone said my Dad did the same thing. My Dad would help strangers, and I guess I do too. My Dad was an imperfect man and there are a lot of things I would rather change. The tree I'd like to fall from is my Heavenly Father's. I would like to be more like him. He helped strangers, he talked with the woman at the well, he came to Zacchaeus's house. Just ordinary people he seemed to be drawn to. I worked as an engineer, even though I did not have a degree. I was just a High School graduate. I had a girlfriend one time that worked at Walmart. I remember a coworker asking if I was still seeing Walmart girl as he called her. He told me I could do better than a Walmart girl. Some times people get attitudes about who they are because of their education or their position. I don't want to be like that. I would like to be like my Heavenly Father who did not have the respect of persons. He was comfortable talking with the woman at the well even though he knew her past. He was comfortable with the lady that washed his feet with her tears and dried his feet with her hair. Common people from all walks of life, he made no difference. I want to be like my Heavenly Father more than my earthly father. That's the tree I want to fall near to. Walmart girl looked a lot like her heavenly father. She was a good Christian woman, one of the best qualities to look for. I remember years ago when my daughter was a teenager. I had taken her into town for a piano lesson. I was just sitting in the car watching people walk by while I was waiting. I saw a father and son come up to the street corner to cross the street. It was obvious from physical features they were father and son. They both looked to the left and then to the right at the same time. What really caught my attention as I watched that father and son was just before they stepped off the curb, they both licked their lips at the same time. O, that I might mimic my heavenly father, even unconsciously as that son mimicked his father that day. May I look more like my Heavenly Father. God bless, LVZ.

A safe place

As I think about my life, a lot of it has been in Church. God has always been a place of safety, but the Church as a whole has not always been a place of safety. If you talk to me and about my life and the four divorces I have been through, I'd give you my side of it,  how I see things. The other side of those marriages that failed was another imperfect human being. I recently heard that an ex wife was in the hospital, had a heart attack and I thought it would be a nice gesture and called and see how they are doing. Sometimes we maybe don't see our own motivations, and that is possible for me. Extremely possible for me. She hung up as soon as she heard it was me. Obviously there are some not so good feelings towards me. I hope I have changed, I hope I am not the same person as I was in any of those previous marriages. I was not a perfect husband, and christian in my marriages. I am sure they have some hurts towards me also. But I want to be forgiven, and I need to forgive them as well. When I make an error in judgement over the same thing time and time again, that is a reflection on me. God can work in our hearts and fix us. Most divorces happen simply because someone or both partners have hard hearts. Don't keep a record of wrongs. A forgiving attitude is a must. Trust is a must. These are areas where I failed. I have prayed many a prayer for God to help me keep a tender heart, or a soft heart. I have prayed and asked God to help me forgive. I have prayed and asked God to help me to not keep a record of wrongs. I had a church that really helped me through divorce, actually there were a couple of churches that really helped me, in spite of an attitude that was not 100% correct. I had some churches that were not a safe place for me during a divorce. I needed help and support and love during those times. I did not need to be reminded that divorce is not God's perfect plan. O that I could be more like God. I recently wrote about the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I haven't published that blog yet, I don't think. God was a place of safety for me. And I hope to look more like my heavenly father than my earthly father. I hope each of my exes is able to forgive me. I hope I'll see each of them in heaven some day. That is the ultimate safe place, Heaven. No tears, no sorrow, it will all be behind us. God bless, LVZ.

God has no grandchildren

God has no grandchildren. We count our generations, I remember my Grandfathers, my father, then of course me, my children and I do now have grandchildren. Each relationship is different. I didn't have much of a relationship with either grandfather, they knew me and I knew them. We didn't talk that much at least that I remember. My Father was my father, don't consider that to be a very good relationship either but there was interaction, both good and bad. My daughter and I still talk and I feel that relationship is probably the best of any intergenerational relationships I have or have had. My grandchildren may talk to me but I have to pursue the relationship. I feel they could care less. I love my children and grandchildren and have pleasant memories. I did have a good relationship with a father-in-law, and I felt he was really a father to me. There was talking back and forth, I could say what I thought and he would advise and encourage me. He was a good father-in-law. It lasted until the divorce and I pretty much felt I needed to move on. I also have a good relationship with a mother-in-law, I actually feel we are still friends even though another divorce ended the relationship between her daughter and I.  Revelations 3:20 "Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me."  I heard someone say this the other day, "God has no grandchildren" and I agree. God pursues us as he knocks on our hearts door. We have to respond and allow him in to our hearts, in order to have relationship with God. He doesn't force himself on us. He knocks and we can refuse or we can let him in. It reminds me most of a father / child relationship. He is all knowing Creator and designer of the universe. We need him to guide us, provide for us. We need his love and nurturing. But each generation has to find this relationship on their own. What my dad or grandfather had with God does not positively or negatively affect my own relationship. What I mean by that is, its personal, if grandfather and father had a good relationship with God it doesn't mean I will. If grandfather or father did not have a good relationship with God, it does not stop me from having a meaningful relationship with God. It is up to me what I do when God knocks on my hearts door. Its personal, I am not saying that those who traveled this road before me can't encourage or discouraged me. But in the end it is me and God, one on one. How I respond individually will dictate my relationship with God. There are no grandchildren with God, its each generation relating one on one with God.  God bless, LVZ.

Why be a Christian?

As I think things through in my life, ponder the many questions that we face from day to day. I believe the Bible, I believe when the Bible says the Children of Israel walked thru the Red Sea on dry ground, they walked thru the Red Sea on dry ground. When the Bible says all things were created by God including mankind, I believe it. When the Bible says Adam and Eve sinned in the garden of Eden and by that sin they brought sin into a perfect world, I believe it. Just like darkness is the absence of light, and cold is the absence of heat, godlessness is the absence of God in this world. I look back and I see the changes this God I believe in has made in my life and I am thankful to have been taught what I have been taught. When I look at recent experiences and what Godless men will do, it scares me to see a world that is moving further and further away from Godly principles. I saw a large corporation teach all their employees ethics on a yearly basis because they learned it was good for business and I realize this is the same stuff I was taught in Sunday School. God takes imperfect people and changes them. They have to come just as they are and allow him to work in their lives. If you believe one part of the Bible you need to believe it all. I realize that there are so many differences of opinion on any subject and people base it on the Bible. Some use the Bible to manipulate and control and it doesn't work that well in the long run. But when the Bible is believed to the best of our abilities and knowledge, it allows God to work in the heart. Over a life time of relationship he changes us. There are so many things I think differently about today than I did thirty years ago. I have found this relationship with God to be a good thing. I found that he does answer prayer, not always what I want when I want it but in the end, what God does ends up being for my good. He is not a cosmic gopher to do our bidding as we command in prayer, but to clean our hearts and our lives as we submit to the creator of all. If I believe any part of the Bible then I should not try to make it say what I want it to say but try and understand what God is saying to me. If the Bible is true, someday we all will stand before him on judgement day to give an account for our lives. If we have not allowed God access to our hearts, what will we say on that day? If I believe the rest of the Bible, then I must believe that part is true also and when we come to the end of our lives we stand before him,  the creator of all. He created this world and understands it best. I made a simple step that would help people step into a van, but others that did not build it and did not study it to understand how it operated soon tossed it aside. Not because it didn't work but because they didn't understand how it worked. In the same simplistic fashion Christianity works. I don't understand and know all that God knows but as I become like him I see it really does work. Imperfect humans can become like our creator as we learn of him and his ways. It happens in an instant when we accept God into our hearts. We make an about face and walk a different direction. It also happens over a lifetime as we allow him to work in our hearts and change us from the point he entered our hearts. I believe in a hereafter where these changed people will have an eternity together with their creator. I also believe it will be better than we can imagine. Why would God spend so much time and energy in the lives of his people if it were not so? I would rather be where I am today then where I was when I started on this journey. Why would I not think it is better ahead also? If we have hope in Christ in this life only we are of all men most miserable. I believe there is a better day coming because the Bible also says that. I need to be a Christian if I want to see the better on the other side. I have that hope on what is on the other side.  Anyone who believes that God is, and wants to be in our lives can develop that relationship with God. We do not change over night. We may accept him as Lord and Saviour in an instant, but his working in our heart continues for a life time. Why be a Christian? I believe some day we all will stand before him. I believe there is a better place on the other side of death. An eternity where we can be with God in a new heaven and new earth. I envision it to be perhaps like Eden was before Adam and Eve brought sin into the world. I think that will be awesome. This present life is but a moment in time if I understand the Bible correctly. I believe there will be a resurrection of the dead, both righteous and unrighteous. The Bible also says no man knows the day nor the hour. We also don't know the number of our days, but God does. With our hope in him, everything will be OK. I think the future is the biggest reason to be a Christian. An eternity with no pain or sorrow is hard for me to imagine, but I believe that is promised to those who except Christ as Saviour and Lord. God bless, LVZ.

Following Rules

All our lives we seem to follow rules. When we are children, we follow the rules of our particular home or suffer consequences. In school, we follow rules or we suffer consequences. In the job, we follow rules. We have been programed that way over and over through out life. It seems logical then that there are rules when we interact with God. It seems that what God really wants is our hearts. Out of the heart are the issues of life. But God doesn't want compliance with rules. Yes, he gave us the ten commandments, and the old testament tells us it was our school master to show us we would fail in keeping the rules. When we fail in one point, we are guilty of all. That's where Grace comes in to play. Grace covers our disobeying the rules. Still we try to make rules with Grace, it's what we have done our whole life. Unconditional love, undeserved Grace throws the rules out the window. It is a hard concept to understand. There are no rules to obey to obtain Grace. God wants to change us from  the heart out. He gives Grace. As he changes the heart we want to please him, not for rules sake, but for Christ. Just as we are, we come to God, we cannot make ourselves good enough to obtain Grace. All have sinned, all have fallen short. But Grace covers us and God sees us perfect, because of Grace, not because we kept the rules. He loves us unconditionally, not because we were some how able to keep a book of rules, but because he is God and he designed a plan of redemption for us, Grace. Yet look at us, over and over we still want a rule book to follow, we still want to make ourselves good enough to be his child. That's not the way it works with Grace. God changes us from within. He changes us, not we ourselves. Create in me a clean heart, O God and renew a right spirit within me. Grace, think about how we would have loved to live in a home with unconditional love growing up, instead of control. Would we have not loved those parents who loved us unconditionally? To feel accepted in all parts of life. Is not that what we want, to be accepted? Is that not what we have always wanted to be loved in this way. We try to find it every where except through God's Grace.  Sometimes we find a good relationship, where family, spouses, a true friend,  loving us just as we are. That's Grace, loving us just as we are. God bless, LVZ.

The Eight Cow Wife*

I read about Johnny Lingo and his eight cow wife years ago in another context. Here I read it again in Growing up Holy and Wholly by Donald E. Sloat.  This time it was given as an example of grace and what it does for us. The story: Johnny Lingo was a young islander who lived on Nurabandi, not far from the island Kiniwata in the Pacific. Johnny was one of the brightest, strongest, and richest men in the islands, but people shook their heads and smiled about a business deal he had made with a man on Kiniwata. He had paid the unheard-of price of eight cows for a wife who was by any standards unattractive. As one fellow explained, "It would be a kindness to call her plain. She was skinny. She walked with her shoulders hunched and her head ducked. She was scared of her own shadow." The amazing fact was that in the islands, two or three cows could buy an average wife and four or five a highly satisfactory one. Why would Johnny pay eight? Everyone figured Sarita's father, Sam Karoo, had taken young Johnny for a ride, and that is why they smiled whenever they discussed the deal.
    The teller of the story finally met Johnny for herself and inquired about his eight-cow purchase of Sarita. She assumed he had done it for his own vanity and reputation - at least she thought this until she saw Sarita. "She was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. The lift of her shoulders, the tilt of her chin, the sparkle of her eyes all spelled a pride to which no one could deny her the right." Sarita was not the plain girl she had expected, and the explanation lies with Johnny Lingo. "Do you ever think what it must mean to a woman to know that her husband settled on the lowest price for which she can be bought? And then later, when the women talk, they boast of what their husbands paid for them. One says four cows, another maybe six. How does she feel, the woman who was sold for one or two? This could not happen to my Sarita." "then you did this just to make your wife happy?" "I wanted Sarita to be happy, yes. But I wanted more than that. This is true. Many things can change a woman. Things that happen outside. But the thing that matters most is what she thinks about herself. In Kiniwata, Sarita believed she was worth nothing. Now she knows she is worth more than any other woman in the islands." "Then you wanted -" "I wanted to marry Sarita. I loved her and no other woman." "But -" I was close to understanding. "But," he finished softly, "I wanted an eight -cow wife."
As I have read this book I think my understanding of Grace has improved. So many times I thought that people treated their Grace as cheap Grace. But Grace is undeserved and unconditional. Any time we try to put our own rules on Grace, we cheapen it. Grace is unconditional. It will transform us, change us into what God wants. I think this is a very good story to explain Grace. We are loved by a God that sent his son to die for us on a cross. As the writer of the book says, God wants us to be eight-cow men and women through Grace. It only happens through Grace, we cannot fix ourselves. Only God can and that is why Jesus died for us. I am not sure I still understand Grace in its fullness but I am trying.  God bless, LVZ.

Growing up Holy and Wholly

This has been a difficult book for me to read. I am almost finished. I think my biggest take away from this book is realizing how much God's Grace is misunderstood. How important Grace and unconditional love are. We hear about them Sunday after Sunday and yet over the years it seems rules are easier to teach than unconditional love and grace. Control was what I experience as a child more than grace and unconditional love.  We see these quaint saying like a child learns what he lives and it is true. The trouble is even when we become adults, those destructive behaviors are so deeply ingrained. I remember incidents from childhood that emphasized the rules and not grace, control and not unconditional love. I feel even as I blog today, I think some of these old ways are prone to come out. I remember a Lady that attended Church with us in Mobridge, SD and so many times they prayed for her to overcome her addiction to cigarettes. The rules were emphasized and not the grace she needed. If you really get genuinely saved you will not have this struggle with cigarettes. I contrast that to what I see today in many of the churches I have attended in later years, and I have seen grace extended and unconditional love. I remember the families that were instructed to separate because they were not married in the eyes of God because of a divorce, and then I look at the grace and unconditional love I received when one Pastor actually married me twice. He officiated the ceremony in my fourth marriage and then again in my fifth marriage. I wasn't going to even ask him, I'd did tell him I was planning on getting married. This Pastor said, I would like to have that opportunity if you'll let me. As I think about it today I think it displays grace and unconditional love toward me. Even though I had failed in another marriage, he was willing to give me another chance as well as God does. This is so different from the way I was raised. I remember how loudly people would pray and recently when visiting a sick person in the hospital I prayed with them. Just a quiet short little prayer asking God to touch his body and to comfort and heal him. I remember his comment about a preacher from that old church and how she could really pray. I'll bet I was a real contrast. But I'll also bet that my prayer was just as effective. That's all prayer is, speaking to God, we don't have to yell to be heard. I remember one minister at a church one time telling  about how sometimes there would be so many requests made for prayer that the time was used up. He would say, God you heard these requests as they were given, we give all these needs to you, Amen. It is true, if God is in our midst, he did hear the request as each request was spoken. Some people think a loud prayer is more powerful than just a quiet prayer. I disagree. I have had prayers answered that I prayed silently, that I prayed in just a normal tone of voice. It is God that answers and it is not our ability to pray in a certain manner that gets results. Its such a contrast from the way I was raised. The spirit is subject unto the prophet and that is true, I have seen much emotionalism in my youth that I actually shy away from today. People running up the aisles and shouting and speaking in tongues that a preacher could not speak the word that God had given him. I think God has brought me a long long way from my youth and what I experience back then. I am so thankful for the grace and unconditional love that God extended to me. Some things I would still feel uncomfortable talking about, but God's grace has covered a multitude of sins. I have experienced God's grace and unconditional love so many times. For that I am thankful.  I am not perfect and still struggle with things, but I know I am truly blest to have come as far as I have from such a dysfunctional home as I was raised in. I want to say just a little to give an idea of how dysfunctional it was. My Father was a minister that gave my mother black eyes. Kicked her in her legs to where she was limping and then wouldn't let her have the car to go to work. She had to walk injured and limping a mile or more. Yes, there are some imperfect people out there but God is not like them. I believe God changed my father and I expect to see him on the other side. I said this not to shame my father but to show how much stuff God can bring us through. God's unconditional love can extend even to a man like my father and if it couldn't, it would not be unconditional love. I don't know how to say it any simpler, unconditional love is unconditional. If we except him just as we are, he will change us. God bless, LVZ.

Christianity

I am not sure how to start this blog. Here I am a Christian for many years. I grew up in what many called a Christian home, but what we the children of that home saw, did  not fit a lot of what we were taught. Sometimes I wonder how I am even a Christian today. Christianity is suppose to be a good thing, and I still believe it is.  How do we deal with imperfect Christian parents. It is hard to even talk about some things. Dad has been gone for some 12 years already, but he was dysfunctional to the max. I don't want to speak badly of my father but I want to speak truth too. He gave us a tainted view of God at best. How can I speak what is in my heart and not disrespect my father? I believe Christians are imperfect, as my father was. I am imperfect and I doubt without proper education that I can speak and write a meaningful and helpful blog dealing with this issue, but I want to, so help me God. I believe God is the answer for the world today, for families today, for hurting people today. Many of us get our view of God from imperfect Fathers. God has been there for me. He helped me in so many ways. God hates divorce, his word says so, yet when I went through 4 divorces, he helped me. I was raised in a Church that didn't believe in Divorce, it was almost like the unpardonable sin. Yet in hind sight I see God moved me to a place of safety before the first divorce happened. I had started attending a small country church that was able to help me fix my view of God towards divorce before it happened. I also was attending some support groups before I really needed the support. I see it as the hand of God protecting me. My second divorce, once again God had directed me to a church where the Pastor had himself suffered through a divorce. Once again God was there to help me. Then with two divorces under my belt, I had the thought if this third marriage don't work, I can always get out of it, I have twice before. What a mistake I made. That woman was not faithful to me from day one and still did not want a divorce. Even when I look back and see how badly I was thinking going in to this marriage, God was still there. One day as I was praying about it as I was driving down a street in Tacoma, I said to God once again: "God I know you hate divorce, but here I am married to a woman that I believe is being unfaithful to me. I do not have the ability to see what you see. She does not want a divorce and is fighting it, but still I believe she is being unfaithful. What do you think? you alone really see how it is." I was still praying to God these words when I pulled up to a line of 3 cars at a stop sign. Crossing the street in front of these three cars ahead of me was my third wife. She crossed over to a gas station and got into a Van that I recognized from seeing it so many times. I had the license plate memorized. It was the guy I believed she had been cheating on me with. She got into the van, and it was like God said: "I showed you this so you'll know, not so you can go make a fool of yourself and cause a scene." Once again God was there to help me through a situation of my own making. This is the God I know, he is not at all like my Daddy was. He helped me even when it was my fault I was in such a mess. I feel even as a father myself, I didn't do much better. The only way I know to show the grace of God, the love God has for each of us is to tell my story. God is not like an abusive Father that we knew growing up. He helps us not once, not twice, but as many times as I need him. The only way I know to get a correct view of God is to have relationship with him and see him as he really is. Not as some imperfect Christian has tainted our view. So many people from so called Christian homes have stories to tell and God is there. He only works in my life as much as I allow, perhaps that can explain why we see so much dysfunction. That doesn't mean that I have it all together as a Christian, I am still a human being. But my view of God is much better than what my father left me with and for that I am thankful. This is not the end of the story, there was still another marriage and divorce after this. You'd think I'd learn. Perhaps I finally have, I have a good marriage now. Through it all I am still grateful to be able to claim to be a Christian, only by God's grace. I also prayed for God to keep my heart tender, do not let it become hardened even though I have gone through so many hurts.  And I have in-laws that still love me even though I was not a perfect son-in-law. Christianity works, God put us here to help us, to show that it does work in spite of imperfect Christians like me. God bless, LVZ.

No Lightning or Thunder

My thoughts this morning were on an event that changed my life. I was reading in a book about someone who claimed becoming a Christian was the biggest and best event of their life. The writer said it wasn't so for him, there were other events in his life that were pretty special also. The writer was saying there is not a certain way we have to feel. No one else can dictate to us how we feel. Yet of times I believe that happens. My wife was telling about the time she accepted Christ into her life, there was not a lot of emotion. She sat on what their Church called the Mourners Bench when she wanted to accept Christ into her life. Not a lot of emotion. It wasn't what her mother expected and she wanted her to do it again. My wife knew she was saved, not great emotion, but she had accepted  Christ into her heart. I grew up in a Church that also displayed much emotion and I heard of people just faking it and showing all kinds of emotion that wasn't real. When I accepted Christ into my life no thunder rolled, no lightning flashed, no earthquake happened. When I look back on life, I do feel it was great. Looking back I see the help God has given me over the years and I think it was one of the best decisions I ever made in my life. It didn't feel that way all at once. I've gone through periods of discouragement.I've gone through good times too. I think maybe sometimes people can look at it and count the cost and very methodically choose to accept Christ into their life. Hey, I am going to try this for myself. One of the biggest draw backs from being a Christian is other Christian. That is no lie and I understand that, I really do. They are all imperfect to begin with and Jesus takes us as we are. I have been married more than once and I have to say I knew I'd made a mistake early on a time or two. But the last marriage has been good.  I feel I made a very good choice. I also looking back see where it was a good decision. I see others that meet my wife and it seems in a short time they also see a genuine sweet heart and love her also. Lightning didn't flash, Thunder didn't roll when we married but I also know I made a good choice after the fact. Maybe it don't sound flashy but it is a choice I can live with for the long term. So also was accepting Christ into my life. No thunder or lightning but I know I made a choice I can live with for the long term. I have a hope of eternity with Christ. I haven't been there yet. I gone through hard times, I given up some sinful pleasures, but I still have that hope. I don't think its a bad thing to have something to look forward to in the future. I Corinthians 15:19 says "If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable." Sometimes this life isn't all that great and sometimes it is. I do have a hope of eternity with God. I haven't seen it yet and don't know what to expect. But if the past is any indicator, I have no doubt I've made the right choice to have that to look forward to. Still no lightning and thunder, just a hope of good things. God bless, LVZ.

Is it OK to be angry at God

I believe God can handle our anger or any emotion we have. He made us physical, spiritual, emotional and any other part of being uniquely made by God . I don't know where I picked up on this, I believe it may have been a Sunday School teacher, Marge Gaines, that took me aside for a walk on my five acres when I was about 26 years and told me it was OK to talk to God and tell him that I was angry. I know we need to have forgiving hearts. I believe and one time blogged that forgiving is not optional. What happens when people go thru terrible circumstances and maybe blame God. I can think of many circumstances that might cause people to be angry with God. After all he is in control, don't we say. If we feel anger towards God and express it to him, are we not being honest? Doesn't that come from our heart? It is the heart that God wants to change, and if there is anger in our hearts, I feel it is being honest with God if we express it. God can work with us to change us but I think it does require us to be honest with him. We start where we are at, exactly where God finds us. I was reading about this recently and I wondered where I got the concept that it was OK to be angry with God. I thought about how I talked about forgiveness and how it is necessary. We do need to be honest with God, it is God that fixes our hearts. To hide these feelings or not acknowledge them is not being honest. I really feel that whatever the emotion is, God made us and he can handle it. We are not going to be in trouble for being honest with God.  Most anger start with hurt, and I believe that is true in my own life. Almost any time I can remember being angry it started with being hurt. What ever difficulty we may have, God can handle it. I remember the way I was raised, I sometimes look back and wonder if people thought I was weird, because especially as a teenager I felt I was walking a thin line as a Pastors son and having normal feelings. I am so glad God understands.  I was afraid to be me, the way I was raised. I think many of the struggles I went through relate back to our dysfunctional home life. I lived in fear, if I'd taken up smoking like so many of my generation did, I was afraid Dad would kill me, or beat me near to death. I wanted to belong, to fit in but when I look back in a way I am thankful I never got started smoking. So many people have a difficult time quiting later in life. But was damage done to me in other ways because of living in fear?  Probably, but God can handle that too. Ephesians 4:26 "Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your your wrath: 27. Neither give place to the devil,"  It seemed when I was growing up I felt I was taught that it was not OK to be angry. That is not what this verse says. What we do with our anger is important, and giving it to God is a good place to start. Take it to God. I remember a long time ago when something was said to me at work that hurt me. I remember I went to a stall in the bathroom and quietly talked to God about it. Sometime later when talking to a Pastor, Darcy Haisley,  about the situation, he asked, did you see what you did? You took it to God. I am thankful for a Sunday School teacher and a Pastor that helped me to see it really is OK to be angry, even at God and talk to him about it.  I don't remember what it was that was said so many years ago, but I remember learning that it is OK to be angry, its how we handle that anger and what we do with it that's important. I do know it hurt me at the time, but I honestly don't remember what was said. Perhaps, if I'd not learned to take it to God, maybe I would still remember. There are so many things in life we just need to give to God. Especially issues of the heart, because that is where God works. We can't fool God, if it is there, he knows it anyway. God bless, LVZ.

God has a plan for me and for you

I was thinking of a song I think I heard years ago in Kennewick, WA. I could not find it on the Internet. But this is the best I can remember: God has a plan for me and for you. If we walk in the light, the light of his word, we shall be creation set free. I believe God has a plan for me. I believe God uses a lot of the trials I have been through to influence me and my thinking. I believe way back in the year 2000 God was preparing me to move to Mississippi.  I don't understand it all, I really don't, but I believe I am where God wants me to be. I think back to the things he brought me through, divorce after divorce and then another one. They hurt. I loved those people and tried to make each marriage work. God used them to shape me as I am today and for that I am thankful. Here I am in the deep south in one of the most prejudice States in the Union married to a Black Woman. Just recently they hung a noose around the head of a statue of the first Black to attend the college at Oxford MS. I do not believe there should be any type of segregation, not even in our Churches. Churches are not intended to teach about culture, they were intended to teach about a saviour that can save anybody. I do not feel I am racist. Not because I am married to a Black Woman, I believe you can be married to a person of another race and still be racist. But I believe like they taught in the Church of my upbringing to gather in one all things in Christ. Not in that particular body of believers, but I am beginning to see some of the things we do to fix the past, creates a new division. I believe we need to teach history correctly in schools just as it was, not to promote a political agenda. I am beginning to believe this separate Black History month is divisive and we need to become one people in Christ. We need to lift up Jesus regardless of our race, and not promote our race. I believe it is wrong for the Church to be the most segregated time in America. We are becoming very divided in our country between left and right politically. The church that was on the front lines when we were fighting segregation is part of the problem. When we truly win the hearts of people for God we will want to be brother and sister in God regardless of race. Any one of us, if we could follow our ancestral tree back thousand and thousands of years, we would come to Great, Great ............... Grandfather Noah from after the flood. God wants our blood washed hearts, washed in the blood of the lamb. We need to become Christian first and not a Black Christian or a White Christian. We need to become so Christ like we look the same to the world around us whether black or white, Hispanic or Creole. Being Christ like should be the thing that stands out the most. No matter what I write, it seems to point once again to Grace and living it where the rubber meets the road. I am not talking about being perfect, we are still human, but becoming Christlike to the best of our ability. O when people see us, the first descriptor out of their mouth is - he is a Christian, not a White man or a Black man or a Mexican or a Vietnamese. O that the Church would strive for unity in Christ.  God has a plan for us, he does not want any to perish in their sins. He died on a cross for us all. It does not matter if you think Jesus was light skinned or dark skinned or somewhere in between. He wants to come into our hearts and change us into his likeness through Grace. With all of our freedoms we are loosing our next generation to godlessness. I recently heard about a Cuban minister who came to the US, it was his dream to come to the U.S. He ministered to the Cuban community around LA and was told over and over again about Cuban families losing there young ones to the streets. He was offered a Church here in the US making many more times what he is making in Cuba. Its not about the money. Its about saving his family and those sheep of his in Cuba. He stayed in Cuba. We have much in our country but it seems we are losing the next generation. Perhaps in future generations we will be getting missionaries from foreign countries to save our lost. Jesus died for me and for you. He has a plan for each of us. " For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11. I do believe I am where God wants me to be, sometimes I do not see what God is doing until its over. In hind sight I often see the hand of God in so many ways. Once during a difficult time in my life, I needed to sell a house it sold in 3 days with a full price offer. I knew it was the hand of God, I had done all I could do and when I really needed him he was there.  I am thankful, I can look back and know with confidence, I will get through the current circumstances just as I did in the past. Even when I made bad decisions, he was with me. "Lo I am with you always," Jesus said towards the end of Matthew. I want to be in God's plan. He has been good to me, through it all. I am truly blest. God bless, LVZ.

Tender-Leon

I have always been easily moved to tears. I think people read too much into that. Its just my makeup, the way God made me. It doesn't make me more spiritual or anything like that. It just means I can tear up more easily than a lot of other people. God sees into our heart, he is not concerned with the outward appearance. I have many times prayed and asked God to keep my heart tender. Which reminds me, a co-worker once told me about taking his kids to dinner and they wanted Tenderloin, they called it  tenderleon. Sometimes I wish I felt free to really tell all that God brought me through. I keep going back to Grace - freely given - not earned. Even years after becoming a Christian, I struggled in areas of my life. I think from the way I was taught in my early years, I expected to be perfect. More than anyone else knew, I certainly wasn't. I felt I wasn't able to live this Christian life, it was for others that were perfect. After living as long as I have, I have seen God work with me in my darkest hours. Accepting Jesus is so easy, and it is an instantaneous acceptance, but the only way we can even come to God is just as we are. It don't matter how messed up we are, that is where God starts in our hearts and lives. I messed up many times and still God was there to work with me, loving me just as I am. That is Grace, just as we are, nothing more, nothing less. But so many times we hear of the rules other Christian have for living the Christian life. Where we start, how we should act and not everyone is the same. God sees into the deepest parts of our heart. When you walk with God a while and see his goodness over and over again, you want to be more like him. If we can just apply that same Grace to others and not try to help them overcome their sin, but let God do his work, he will change us as he sees fit. Other peoples rules, not God's are a hindrance to many trying to make their way closer to God. I remember this story from my childhood. A Pastor and his wife took in a fellow that claimed to be a Christian. One Sunday afternoon this fellow got out their lawnmower to mow their lawn and I remember hearing people talking. If he really was a Christian as he says, he would know better than to mow a lawn on Sunday afternoon. It was a man made rule, and yes I do believe we need to respect God on Sunday. We need to respect God on everyday of the week. What I think was missed, the lawn needed mowing and the man was trying to pay back for their kindness to him. Even if he didn't know better than that groups rule, don't mow the lawn on Sunday afternoon, I think the intent of his heart was to pay back their kindness to them. They were more concerned about what the neighbors would think of mowing the lawn on Sunday then the condition of his heart. Many times we are too concerned about appearances and not enough about other people. Another incident in my life comes to mind; I was driving somewhere after leaving a Church service with several people in my car and my wife wanted a Coke. The only place I could find open was a tavern and I refused to go in to try and get a Coke because of how I felt it would appear. More concerned about how I would appear than to meet the need of someone. Sometimes we can be so heavenly minded we are no earthly good. These may be minor things but I think they show the condition of our hearts and how much we need to change our hearts to be more concerned about others than how we appear to others. A young lady at Church was up front to join Church and when I got there to shake her hand I realized the young lady appeared to be pregnant. I have no idea what the story is, but we need to be ready to extend the same Grace God gave to us to anyone where ever they are starting from. God takes us just as we are, tattoos, piercings or what ever. I saw the man ahead of me hug her and I did too. Just as we are, where ever he finds us, he extends the Grace to us, to me. May I ever be Tender-Leon. God bless, LVZ.

Asia

Asia is the name of a 12 year old girl I came in contact with my first year in Tacoma. First I want to mention this scripture Psalms 68:5 "A father of the fatherless, and a judge of widows, is God in his holy habitation." I became aware of fatherless children when I saw the effect on my daughter when I had to leave home. I had written down the names of fatherless children I met after that time. I think in a couple of years time I had written down 50 names. Some of the names I remember are Asia of course. Candice and Cookie from Second Baptist in Everett Washington. Miciah, my neighbors boy. Katelynn lived in the apartment above me. Lamont, Evan, Devon, Jordan, Brianna, Cyril. Chiquita and Audrey were two sisters in Everett. I had prayed for many of these kids over the years. Audrey had a girl out of wedlock named Asia. Miciah was in prison last I knew. I had moved into Dad's house in Tacoma and was going thru his mail when I found a mailing from Philadelphia PA. It was asking for donations to buy pack backs for children in Philly. I thought, I can find a needy child in the city of Tacoma. I was riding my bike up J street in Tacoma when a young lady hollered at me, what are you doing. I stopped and talked to her. I tried to be a friend and anyway that young lady (Ondie) was Asia's mom. A week or so later Ondie was in jail on a drug charge. For the next four years I took Asia and her Grandmother to Purdy to visit Ondie in jail. I bought clothes and shoes at different times for Asia. Asia never knew who her Daddy was. One night at the prison while visiting Ondie, I heard the grandmother say she never wanted Asia. It took all I had to keep from reaching across the table and slapping that Grandmothers face. Asia was sitting right there. Years went by and I was going to try and help Ondie when she got out of prison. I rented a two bedroom apartment at a place that would allow felons. But when Ondie got out she never came to my apartment. She had talked a good talk while still in prison but the closer she got to her release, the more I realized she would go back to her old ways and she did. Asia and I kept in contact and I did buy clothes for her on occasion. When she was 17,  her grandmother and her Auntie asked me if I'd take her in and I did for a short while. Asia had never had any rules, and I had two rules, she had to stay in school and go to church with me on Sunday. She found those rules hard to live with and didn't stay very long. One year around Fathers day when I was praying about my own Kids not contacting me and honoring me on Fathers day, Asia called and asked if her and a friend could go to church with me on Fathers day. I felt like God was saying I heard your prayer and don't worry about it. When Asia was 18, I gave her a car to try and help her. She was working and I was hoping it would make it easier for her. I was also hoping she would not follow in her Mothers footsteps. But I think eventually she did follow in her mothers footsteps. I tried to get her involved in a church somewhere but it seems she never would. I had to cut her loose. I still pray for Asia, she is a fatherless child and for most of her life Motherless also. The last I knew she had two sons, Titus and Timothy. God is the father to the fatherless and he is aware of their plight. I feel God has bless me for my efforts, my two oldest Grandchildren are being raised by a father who is not their natural father and I feel really blessed, he is in their lives. May God watch over the fatherless. I feel it is an epidemic in our country. Children are fatherless for many reasons. death of a father, born out of wedlock, divorce, drugs, father in prison and you name it. But I believe God is concerned about the fatherless and warns us not to mistreat the fatherless. I still pray for Asia as well as my own kids. God bless, LVZ.